I was almost in tears after tonight’s class. Not good. Really not good when I felt the same after last Thursday’s class.

I’m so frustrated. I feel like I haven’t learned anything in the past several weapons classes. Like I’m not making progress, or worse – going backwards. We’ve been doing weapons almost a year, and I cannot believe how slowly I’m learning! Maybe my brain has built a brick wall and it’s not going to let any more kata slip through. Who knows.

But if I’m not learning anything, what’s the point? Why bother to go to class? For all the learning I’m doing, I might as well stay at home and practice by myself. The results would be about the same, but maybe with less frustration.

I hate this feeling! I’m going to be grumpy and unpleasant a bit longer. I’ll wonder why I’m trying to learn karate, whether I should give up on weapons, whether I’d hate myself if I didn’t keep working at it. And I expect that, like after last Thursday’s Kenpo class, I’ll eventually realize I did something right or learned something tonight. And I’ll shut up, change my attitude, and get back to it for the next class.

The ups and downs of being a student. *sigh*